WRESTLING, WRITING, PERFORMANCE:
Amazona Prime vs. Dr. Marie Fury
Photo credit: Ally Christmas
One of the coolest things I’ve ever done in my life was perform as an indie feminist wrestler for a couple of years.
Not only did it help me get in touch with the performer and athlete within me, but it gave me an amazing outlet for my love for writing in the form of wrestling scripts. ...maybe I should begin by contextualing WHY I’m writing wrestling scripts in the first place.
I created a character for myself named Amazona Prime.
Here’s the back story of the wrestling persona that I created for myself ︎︎︎
...So, when I moved to Montreal, I had to “kill off” Amazona Prime.
This was an epic three-way title match (+ a ghost wrestler) that led to my brutal defeat by Joan of Snark (see pic). Deprogrammed and de-wired, Dr. Marie Fury (my longtime companion and scientific creator) “dumped me” in the trash and scrapped me for parts.
When I planned a visit to Athens, Georgia the following year,
SEWW worked out a surprise revenge match between Dr. Marie Fury and Amazona Prime.
This was basically the Dr. Frankenstein vs. Frankenstein we had both been waiting for.
Here’s the script that I wrote from a cafe in Montreal in Spring of 2019.
Prologue: Dr. Marie Fury vs. Janet from Finance (feat. Amazona Prime[1])
This is a “money in the bank” (briefcase) + Hardcore match (no refs)
>>> Enter Janet from Finance (JF): (Double Ferrari entrance music) There is a makeshift cardboard desk in the corner of the ring. Janet from Finance enters slowly and mundanely as if it’s just “another day in the office,” but she’s talking on two cellphones and fussing over the ring boys who escort her with the “Money in the bank” briefcase. Once in the ring, one of the ring boys gets in a tabletop position and acts as Janet’s chair as she takes a phone call at her desk with her back to Fury, checking her nails and yawning.
Announcer: Folks, we all know it’s been a corporate war on Science, but House of Fury is really strapped for cash, y’all. Even worse, it seems like Janet’s been skimming from the last of Dr. Fury’s funding. It’s becoming hand to mouth for Fury, but she’s ready to bite the hand that feeds and GET THAT MONEY IN THE BANK.
>>>> Enter Dr. Marie Fury (MF): (Lazer Wulf entrance music) Dr. Fury storms in, pissed and slightly desperate for that suitcase. She might shame the crowd for being climate change deniers or anti-vaxers or the “Earth is Flat” believers, and circles the ring and finally enters it, tapping Janet on the shoulder (she has not noticed this whole time), and throws her phone into the crowd and confronts her about the skimmed funds.
JF finally stands up and goes into her corner, pointing at the briefcase tauntingly. MF takes her corner as they square off for an initial hold/sparring sequence.
Announcer: Folks, no refs and no rules. It’s a hardcore match and a MONEY IN THE BANK match, y’all. The first wrestler to unhook that briefcase is the declared winner, and they’re both hungry for it. And they’re off -- !
….. Janet from Finance and Dr. Fury start their match and reach a critical point in which MF and JF are wrestling on top of tons of paperclips in the ring (a gag on tacks in the ring). MF and JF act as if these paperclips are as painful as real tacks, yet keep slipping on them.
MF: “WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET ALL THESE PAPERCLIPS ANYWAY… AMAZON.COM?!”
---- bands strike a ominous chord, and suddenly the trashcan lid starts to move… One of the ring boys gets startled and hesitates to open the lid and see what’s inside….
Finally, he decides to open the lid fearfully… and a fist punches through the trash. --- The lid suddenly flies off, the band plays a menacing intro song // Amazona’s hand punches through the trash … copper, exposed … trash flying everywhere. This is a dramatic moment… as if to say: “I’m back from the dead, bitch.”
MF throws up her hands in shock: “No, no you didn’t. She’s dangerous. She was dismantled, de-programmed. WHY?!!! HOW?!!!”
ComPost Amazona Prime emerges from the can, tosses it behind her or to the side, and slowly and robotically walks toward Katie --- this is sort of a zombie/cyborg moment --- a gothic nightmare in which Dr. Frankenstein must face their own death. Dr. Fury paces back and forth, not taking her eyes off of Amazona Prime and her rage. She looks around for help but realizes that she must face her alone. Janet from Finance hops down from the ring and into the audience cowardly … This is not her fight.
Announcer: Holy moly! This is a comeback that I didn’t expect! Amazona Prime is WALKING into the ring to face her creator and former manager, Dr. Fury. These two have history, folks, and it’s not all fun and games. I guess Amazona Prime lost too many times and got tossed aside after her defeat in last year’s Wrestle Womania, and Dr. Fury cast her aside and scrapped her for parts. Amazona Prime looks like she’s been to the DUMP and back. I wouldn’t want to be Dr. Fury right now, I’ll say that much.
Dr. Fury v. Amazona Prime
Entering Ring: AP stalks fury AROUND the ring[2]… Fury won’t turn her back to AP as she pleads and explains and scrambles for mercy …. Desperate, Marie Fury tumbles back into the ring like a lab rat, and AP finally enters the ring calmly yet full of revenge.
Opening Sequence: Now in the ring, Amazona Prime circles Dr. Fury, eyes wide and full of rage. Amazona “spooks” Dr. Fury by making sudden movements as if to attack her, but Dr. Fury manages to dodge these false alarms. Cocky and full of rage, Amazona Prime stalks Dr. Fury into the corner and pulls her up by the hair...
MF Down 1: Amazona Prime walks her into the center of the ring and throws her into the ropes for a clothesline and a stomp on the stomach to add insult to injury. Dr. Fury rolls around and suffers as Amazona Prime riles up the crowd.
Dr. Fury manages to get up and tries to grab Amazona Prime’s leg, but is unable to move her. Amazona Prime laughs at this attempt, and pulls up Dr. Fury by the hair again… and throws her into a face bump into the center of the ring.
Clearly, AP is out for blood, and Dr. Fury realizes this and tries anything she can think of as she scurries over to the briefcase corner, points up to it (still in pain) and offers AP to split the money.
MF: We can work together again! Look! This money? I can use it to repair you. To update you to be BETTER than EVER. Just like old times, huh? The two of us against the world? Remember?
AP laughs in disbelief and shakes her head… they’re too far gone, and she cannot forget MF’s betrayal. To soak up the moment,
AP walks around and taunts the crowd sarcastically:, “Should I take the money? Can I really trust her again? She’s all alone and NOW she wants me back. OK, OK. YEAH. RIGHT.”
MF realizes that this was a ridiculous antic, and approaches AP from behind and puts her into a waistlock and pulls her down into a school boy pin. Now that AP is pinned, MF attempts to push different buttons on AP … on the leg, on the arm, AP kicks her off, and MF scurries around to access wires on the nape of her neck… looking for a manual “off” switch.
When MF attempts to turn her “off,” AP activates and bites MF’s hand. MF backs away and nurses her hand, realizing that dragon juice (old school AP inside antics) is the last resort to sway AP into submission.
Announcer: OH WOW, it’s the DRAGON JUICE! This is a top-secret formula that powers up Amazona Prime. Made from stem cells, it’s known to drive Amazona Prime wild with thirst. Will she go for it? Is this enough to tame Amazona Prime’s rage?
Marie Fury taunts AP with the dragon juice, shaking it back and forth while AP seems tantalized. She approaches MF slowly, reaching out for the dragon juice. MF feels like she can relax and open her arms, ready to embrace AP again and team up.
Suddenly, AP, swats the dragon juice away, knees MF in the stomach, forearms her in the back, and puts her foot on MF’s head as if she’s preparing to stomp on her head. AP soaks up this moment, turning to the crowd and sneering, meanwhile MF is begging her not to do it. AP moves her body as if she’s going to stomp on her head, but finally does not. She backs off and shrugs as if to say, “I’m better than this. I don’t have to. I’m the bigger person.”
Finally, in a change of heart, AP bounces off the ropes and leg drops dramatically on MF. On top of MF, AP sticks out her tongue and flicks off the crowd and the announcers and everyone as if to say, “FUCK THIS. FUCK THE MONEY. FUCK WINNING. FUCK SEWW.” AP gets up slowly and takes one last disgusted look at MF before picking up the dragon juice, exiting the ring slowly and dramatically as the band plays exit music.
Announcer: Well, folks, there you have it. Amazona Prime has LEFT the PREMESIS. You know what they say: “Revenge is a dish best served cold, and Marie Fury is OUT COLD.” But wait, here comes Janet from Finance again! She hasn’t kept her eye off that briefcase! Can Marie Fury stay in this for the funding?
------------- End of Amazona Prime and
Marie Fury revenge spat -------------
Janet and Dr. Fury continue their match --- Dr. Fury eventually wins and powerbombs Janet through the cardboard desk, grabbing the cash victoriously.
[1] _Logistics: Amazona Prime will be inside a lidded trashcan with a thin layer of paper and “trash” on top (with the bottom of the plastic can cut out). This will be brought out discreetly by an assistant or a ring boy. Inside, Amazona Prime will wait. Her costume has changed. She’s Com-Post-Amazona Prime now – copper, rusted, mossy, green hair, covered with trash, banana peels, etc.|
[2] This is so the ring boys can sweep the paper clips out of the ring. This is also a hardcore match so there is no count for “out of the ring” action.
︎︎︎ Creative